Worst Biography Titles Ever

by Derwood Hunsdale-Talbot on August 29, 2008

Worst Biography Titles Ever. And in some cases, stories that shouldn’t be told in the first place. Case in point, #1 on our list, which inspired the research for these other gems of biographic nature. These are in no particular order, as each one is completely awful in it’s own right. Enjoy.

  1. STori Telling -Tori Spelling
  2. Is there a story here to tell? And if so, who on Earth is BUYING?!

  3. Fire on Ice: The Exclusive Inside Story of Tonya Harding -The Oregonian Staff
  4. Everyone of you should be fired for a.) writing this b.) admitting to writing it. My guess is this was done on a bet stemming from a drinking game that came from having to take a shot every time someone said “Gillooly.”

  5. Sly Moves -Sylvestor Stallone
  6. Technically this is about how to get in shape. The constant interjection of personal stories and filmography is what makes it a “biography.”

  7. If I Did It -OJ Simpson
  8. Seriously? If?

  9. Inside Inside -James Lipton
  10. Isn’t the point of Inside to get inside? Why do we need to go inside inside? Doesn’t the laws of physics prevent this?

  11. Landing on My Feet: A Diary of Dreams -Kerri Strug
  12. Should have been called “I Need Money for Surgery.”

  13. I Am Not Spock -Leonard Nimoy
  14. Yes, you ARE.

  15. I Am Spock -Leonard Nimoy
  16. SEE?

  17. Don’t Hassle the Hoff -David Hasselhoff
  18. Then don’t let people film you wasted, shirtless and scarfing down a Big Mac.

  19. Angry Blonde -Eminem
  20. At first I thought this was Gwenyth Paltrow’s autobiography.

    There and Back Again: An Actor’s Tale -Sean Astin

    HAAAHAHAHAAAAHAAAAA! That’s why. Stupid hobbits-is.

  21. Mr. T: The Man with the Gold -Mr. T
  22. I am highly suspicious that all that gold is real. Or perhaps it is a metaphor for the gold within?

  23. They Made a Monkee Out of Me -Davy Jones
  24. Awww, someone report this to PETA! Mr. Jones is working at The Cannery in Las Vegas! Poor Monkee.

  25. I Ain’t Got Time to Bleed: Reworking the Body Politic from the Bottom Up -Jesse Ventura
  26. So many things wrong with this, where to start? OK, how about total abuse of the English language, corny wrestling lingo, way too long title and dammit, when is Carl Weathers going to run for something?!

  27. A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity -Bill O’Reilly

Publishes next month, but does it really need to? Better hurry up and get it though. Stale or rotten humanity is the worst. The bold stuff goes bad quicker too. Especially when it’s evil.

Find your favorite awful biography on Amazon.

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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Ariana August 29, 2008 at 10:11 am

I think there should be a personality profile associated with these. Some of these fit days of my life….and what my mood is 🙂 Today I feel like “don’t hassle the hoff” Happy friday!

Michael August 29, 2008 at 10:40 am

“Cheer up, Sleepy Jean/Oh, what can it mean/to a daydream believer and a homecoming queeeee-ee-ee-een”

Thank you, Davy Jones, for spawning a swath of annoying covers of “Daydream Believer” being crammed into :30 TV spots.

John J J-H Schmidt September 5, 2008 at 10:51 am

I love it! ZOMG.

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