Lawrence Taylor Arrested? His Upcoming Prison Reading List

by Derwood Hunsdale-Talbot on May 6, 2010

It’s okay Lawrence Taylor. We all slip up now and then, give in to that crushing urge for sex with minors, and go hog-wild at a suburban Holiday Inn with a 16-year-old.

Oh wait. No we don’t.

While ol’ Larry is sitting pretty in a New York State Pen for up to four years thinking about his actions, he may need some company along the way.

Update:Lawrence Taylor has plead Not Guilty to his rape charge. Can you do it L.T.? Can you wiggle your way out of this one?

You might want to take a pit stop at your local used book store just in case.

Books to Accompany the Lawrence Taylor Arrest and Prison Time

The Stranger by Albert Camus The Stranger, by Albert Camus While imprisoned, Lawrence Taylor too can examine the absurdity of human existence. While a public decapitation may be a little too much to hope for, I suppose the fact that Taylor didn’t rape the girl 4 more times after the initial go around is a positive. What was it Larry – the heat or the sunlight in Suffern?

Aside: Is it a little too much for anyone else that the rape location was in a town called Suffern? Oh, Larry. You slay me.

The Green Mile by Steven KingThe Green Mile, by Steven King
Taylor’s new favorite novel. I feel the similarities are just too blatant to discuss here… minus the whole innocence thing. And the magic healing powers.

Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption by Steven King Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption, by Steven King
There should be a caveat attached to this one: This Is Not a Manual. Can you picture Lawrence in his cell, chipping away at the wall every night after making nice with the guards? It took Andy 18 years to burrow his way out of his cell, through a chute of excrement, and into freedom. Larry’s got only 4. He’d be lucky to make dent bigger than his head, which, admittedly, is quite large.

I wonder what sort of poster he would envision covering said dent. Beyoncé?
No, too age appropriate.
Maybe Taylor Swift. Or Selena?

Native Son by Richard WrightNative Son, by Richard Wright
Perhaps this could be Larry’s plea – that the need to rape and pillage was pre-destined for him as the result of societal expectations after Dancing with the Stars.

Maybe we, society, are at fault for Taylor’s actions.

Maybe we should be put on trial.
In fact, we should set all rapists free.
It will be revolutionary!

If I Did It by OJ SimpsonIf I Did It, by O. J. Simpson
Oh, Lawrence Taylor. You are, in fact, not alone. If only you raped that 16-year-old girl in Nevada. The chances of you cuddling up to O. J. in Lovelock Correctional Center would be that much higher.

Perhaps, while imprisoned, Lawrence will find his inner muse and create his own “fictional” tell-all: Had I Raped Her. A balls-to-the-wall, first-person narrative from car ride to clean up. A sure best-seller.

The Feminine Mystique by Betty FriedanThe Feminine Mystique, by Betty Friedan
Something for Taylor to keep on his prison bookshelf so he can continually educate himself on why woman will continue to despise everything about him, forever. And ever. And ever.

What books am I missing?

Lawrence Taylor was arrested today on a charge of third-degree rape of a minor. Four years of time requires quite a bit of reading. What else should Taylor stock up on while he is still allowed to enter a Half-Priced Books?

Let’s hear some recommendations.

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